Confession: I Married a Sleep Talker

My husband is a sleep talker. Not to be confused with a sleep walker (thank goodness, I don’t think I could handle waking up to him wandering about our house and setting off the house alarm every night.)

Nope, a sleep talker.

My definition of a sleep talker is: Someone who, on a regular basis, wakes up the person sleeping next to them by saying, and sometimes shouting, nonsensical sentences in the middle of the night.

I married one. And I LOVE it. Usually if someone wakes me up while I’m sleeping, I’m generally not too happy about that. But when the sleep talking wakes me up, it’s pretty much guaranteed to bring me a good laugh and then drift off back to sleep in giggles, which makes for great dreams.

Sometimes I’m just too tired to make the effort, but MOST of the time when he says something hilarious, I take the time to grab my phone and type it in my notes section so I’ll remember it the next day to tell him what he said. Always worth it, and even months and years later, I still read through them and start laughing uncontrollably.

Perhaps this is an over share, or one of those “I guess you had to be there” things to truly appreciate how entertaining it is. But, with his permission, I’ve decided to share my top five favorite things my husband has ever said in his sleep.

So, without further ado…

Number FIVE . . .

“HAYLEY!!! EARTHQUAAAAAKE!!”  (I realize this wouldn’t be funny if there was an actual earthquake, but I assure you, there was not.)


Number FOUR . . .

Starts out giggling… “Huh! Stumbled out of the woods and that was that?!”  (Can I just say here…what the what?)


Number THREE . . .

Starts patting me on the leg multiple times and says, “Oh, SH*T! You’re the man!” Me: “What!?” Him: “You’re the MAN! This is awesome!” And laughs hysterically, as if in disbelief. (He has no recollection of who “the man” was or what they did for him in his dream, but apparently it was pretty great. I wish I knew so I could recreate his excitement in real life.)


Number TWO . . .

“Hey, do you want some butter?” Me: “Huh?” Him: “Do you want some butter?” Me: “Umm, no thank you?” (Perhaps he was cooking with Paula Dean?)


And my all-time favorite . . .

Number ONE . . .

Shouting, in an audibly distraught tone: “You guys had ALL these @(&%@#& pineapples, and you only left me TWO to choose from!?!”


So there you have it. Maybe it’s only funny to fellow spouses of sleep talkers, or maybe it’s not funny at all, but it makes me happy, and I truly hope that everyone reading this gets to experience the joy of living with a sleep talker at some point in their life.

Happy Thursday, friends – we’ve almost made it to the weekend!

Bonus Sleep Talk- On his birthday, falling asleep after a few too many drinks I said, “Goodnight, birthday boy.” To which he replied, “Goodnight, crock pot girl.” 


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